To be held

Sometimes our desire to hold on competes with our desire to be held. We strive to fix what can't be fixed, understand what can't be understood, or change what can't be changed in a desperate rush to control that which can't be controlled.

All our white knuckled grasping betrays a central reality we both crave and fear most of all. The reality is that we long to simply let go. We are so tired. So often confused and failed. We long to rest...and yet we are terrified of letting go. We fear if we let go all will crumble and fade. We long to let go but fear that life truly does depend on us. We fear that if we let go we will find that we are all alone, that we have been abandoned and forsaken. We are like inept children condemned to care for ourselves in the absence of a loving parent. Our striving and clinging betrays a fundamental fear.

However the truth is that what we crave most is not the control that would allow us to order our lives completely rather we long for the assurance that even if we can't (and we never can) perfectly order our lives there is someone else who is strong, wise, and loving who is in control. Someone who is so committed to us that we never need fear being abandoned ever again. We long for a love and strength that is greater that our fear and weakness.

"The Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says, “Only in returning to me and waiting for me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it. You said, ‘No, we will get our help from Egypt. They will give us swift horses for riding into battle.’ But the only swiftness you are going to see is the swiftness of your enemies chasing you! One of them will chase a thousand of you. Five of them will make all of you flee. You will be left like a lonely flagpole on a distant mountaintop.

But the LORD still waits for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for him to help them." -Isaiah 30:15-18

"Turn back to him whom you have deeply betrayed, O people of Israel. For on that day all of you shall throw away your idols of silver and idols of gold, which your hands have sinfully made for you." Isaiah 31:6-7

"I know, O LORD, that the way of human beings is not in their control,
that mortals as they walk cannot direct their steps." - Jeremiah 10:23

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. "
-Matthew 11:28